“To go through this life with good manners possessed /
Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor and oppressed /
For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal /
The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel.”
—Our Deportment, OR THE MANNERS, CONDUCT AND DRESS OF THE MOST REFINED SOCIETY, by John H. Young (1881)
Gracious reader,
When I wrote The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves, I argued that true renewal doesn’t begin in Washington, D.C. It begins closer to home — on our porches, around our tables, and in our neighborhoods.
Two years later, that conviction feels even more urgent. Our public life is frayed by division, fatigue, and violence. Yet the antidote is not despair. It is rediscovering the timeless principles that allow us to live with dignity, courage, and mutual respect.
That is why I am convening the Civility Summit this Friday in Carmel, Indiana. Since my book’s release, people across the country have asked me: How do we embody these principles where we live? The Summit is one answer — a living, breathing experiment in building community across difference.
This will not be a typical conference of stages and speeches. Instead, it is designed as a kind of porch in public life: a place where people meet face-to-face, listen generously, and imagine together a better way of life.
It’s not too late for you to join us. We have just a FEW spots left.
I wrote The Soul of Civility as a handbook for moments like this — to help leaders, neighbors, and ordinary citizens recover the lost art of flourishing across difference. If you’ve ever wondered how we might begin to heal what divides us, I invite you to start with the book — and to follow along this week as we bring its ideas to life.
I’ll leave you with a lovely line from English writer Lynne Truss’s Talk to the Hand (2005), which laments the decline of modern civility. Long before my own work, she anticipated the distinction I argue for: civility as an inward posture of genuine respect for others, and politeness as the outward performance of respect that can sometimes mask indifference—or even contempt.
“The crying shame about modern rudeness is that it’s such a terrible missed opportunity for a different kind of manners – manners based, for the first time, not on class and slobbery, but on a kind of voluntary charity that dignifies both the giver and receiver by being a system of mutual, civil respect.”
And I invite you to start living out civility right now in the small ways.
Taking a cue from John H. Young’s comprehensive guide to Victorian-era etiquette, manners, and social customs in America, which I quoted above, today, I challenge you to choose one person you disagree with and show them kindness.
Hold a door, send a note, or simply listen without interrupting. Share what you did with the hashtag #CivilitySummit.
Thank you for being here.
Warmly,
Lexi
Year Ago on Civic Renaissance:
How to be courageous, especially in the face of loss or pain
Thank you for being part of our Civic Renaissance community!
