What’s your racket?
On the Lies We Tell Ourselves—And the Truth That Sets Us Free
Gracious reader,
Recently, a contractor delivered tile in a size I did not order. When he refused to fix the mistake, I got furious. I yelled. I poured time and energy into escalating the situation—while my children were nearby, wanting me, needing me, asking for my attention and affection. Instead of spending time with them, I got pulled into a loop of frustration and control.
Why did I do that?
If I’m honest, I think I was getting something out of that reaction. There was a payoff: a sense of righteousness, of being the victim of injustice, of asserting dominance or control in a world where I often feel powerless. That anger felt like a form of protection, like proof that I matter and won’t be taken advantage of.
But what did it cost me?
Presence. Peace. Time with the people I love. Integrity with my higher self.
What’s your racket?
I recently spent a weekend immersed in personal development at the Landmark Forum, where a core concept helped explain to me why I did this.
Forum encouraged participants like me to identify and dismantle the “rackets” in our lives.
In their terms, a racket is something unwanted that persists—patterns, complaints, behaviors, or recurring conflicts that we rail against but keep around. The process involves digging underneath the surface to see what payoff we’re getting from holding onto these things, even when they cost us dearly.
The word racket traces its origins to the dark underbelly of organized crime. In its most literal sense, a racket was a system of exploitation—a fraudulent enterprise cloaked in respectability. A candy store, a laundromat, or a seemingly innocuous corner shop served as the visible “front,” concealing the illicit dealings that took place behind the scenes. On the surface, order and charm; beneath it, manipulation and decay.
But the metaphor runs deeper. A racket is not only a corruption of business—it is a corruption of truth. It is a betrayal of trust, dressed up as legitimacy, a rupture in the moral and civic fabric. Rackets thrive wherever appearances are allowed to obscure reality, and where civility is reduced to performance—politeness as a mask for moral compromise.
Racket as self-deception
More insidiously, rackets are also the lies we tell ourselves—and willingly accept—in order to justify some personal reward. They are the mental sleights of hand, the contortive logic and intellectual gymnastics we use to excuse behavior that is out of step with who we truly are. We tell ourselves stories that soothe in the short term but corrode over time. The result is self-deception and internal malaise. We may buy our own lies for a while, but eventually, our souls rebel. They know when we are living in contradiction.
Integrity, by contrast, is when all the parts of the self make sense together. It is coherence between our values and our behavior—when our outer lives reflect our inner convictions. As I argue in The Soul of Civility, true civility is rooted in this kind of integrity: in the moral courage to tell hard truths, to ourselves and to others. It is the discipline of aligning our public selves with our private values, of refusing the easy outs and false fronts in favor of a life that is whole, honest, and free.
To name our rackets is to begin reclaiming our integrity. It is to tear down the front, face what’s real, and insist—however imperfectly—that what is seen and what is true become one and the same.
The hidden cost of rackets
Why do we hang on to rackets?
Because they serve us—at least at first. A racket, whether external or internal, offers a payoff. It grants us convenience, comfort, status, security, validation, or a temporary reprieve from pain. Rackets are seductive because they allow us to enjoy the illusion of wholeness without doing the harder work of becoming whole. They promise the reward without the cost. They keep us from confronting what feels too difficult or threatening to face—our guilt, our fear, our shame, our unmet needs.
But these bargains are always Faustian. Over time, the cost of maintaining the illusion becomes greater than the reward. The dissonance grows louder. We begin to feel split—like actors in our own lives, playing parts that no longer fit. And our souls, wise and unwilling to be bought, eventually protest.
How do we let the good displace the bad?
Not by shaming the racket into submission, but by seeing it clearly and choosing something better. Real transformation doesn’t come from moral condemnation; it comes from desire rightly ordered. We must want the good—not abstractly, but viscerally, personally—enough to stop clinging to what no longer serves us.
This is the paradox of growth: the racket met a need at one point. But as we grow, the need deepens, matures, and asks to be met more truthfully. We don’t just let go of the bad—we choose the better. Not a perfect version of ourselves, but a more integrated one. A self we can respect. A life that costs more to maintain dishonestly than to live truthfully.
And what am I willing to let go of to choose it?
That’s the question integrity always asks. What comfort, image, coping mechanism, or false security am I willing to relinquish to live more fully aligned with my values?
Sometimes, it’s not just tile at stake. Sometimes what’s at stake is reputation, relationships, livelihood, even identity. But if we refuse to examine and release the rackets we carry, the greater risk is internal erosion—the slow, silent death of self-respect. Because no matter how successful the front may appear, the soul always keeps score.
To live with integrity is to be willing to let the false self die in order for the true self to emerge. It is the lifelong, often costly, and always courageous act of telling the truth—especially to ourselves.
Nothing new under the sun
When we find ourselves stuck in anger, ego, or reactivity, it can be helpful to turn to wisdom traditions that—while different in origin—converge on a deeper truth about freedom, self-mastery, and peace. I draw from Christianity, Stoicism, and Buddhism here not to flatten their uniqueness, but to show how each invites us out of the racket of self-deception and into a more grounded, generous way of being:
Christianity teaches that grace—not power—is the true path: we are called to respond not with dominance, but with love, humility, and inner authority, even in the face of injustice.
Stoicism reminds us to control only what we can—our thoughts, our choices, our presence—and to let go of what lies beyond our power.
Buddhism shows us how suffering arises from clinging—to outcomes, to ego, to being right—and that liberation begins the moment we let go.
What’s your racket?
What are your rackets? What are the payoffs you’re getting? What are the costs you may be ignoring?
What are the rackets you can see in others?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
For those of you who might want to learn how to take apart your own rackets, check out the Landmark Forum.
We can end the racket the moment we stop getting something from it—the moment we no longer need the payoff it offers. It ends when we choose to let a more noble love, a deeper fulfillment, displace the old, distorted one.
This is the kind of power I want to cultivate: not reactive, but rooted. Not loud, but luminous.
A power that doesn’t need to win to be whole.
A power that doesn't posture, but stands quietly in truth.
A power that repairs rather than retaliates.
Looking ahead:
August 28, 2025- Indiana Women's Collaborative, Indiana Chamber of Commerce
September 9, 2025- Indiana University Bloomington
The Polo Club of Boca Raton, November 3, 2025
A Note on Unwanted or Spam Emails
It has recently come to my attention that someone has been impersonating me and contacting members of this community under false pretenses. If you have received any suspicious emails claiming to be from me—or suggesting an affiliation—please forward them to ahudsonassist@gmail.com so that we may take appropriate action.
I want to assure you: I would never compromise your trust by sending spam!
Thank you for your understanding and your support.
In the news:
The Steep Price of Declining Civility- “Moral habits that promote human flourishing are virtues. Moral habits that divide us — within ourselves and between us and others — are vices.”- Thank you for mentioning my book, The Soul of Civility, in this thoughtful article!
The Bryan Hyde Show- Every single one of us can be a civilizing influence wherever we happen to be standing. Barry Brownstein reviews Alexandra Hudson's book "The Soul of Civility" and explains our personal duty to be a source of civil behavior. Any time we find ourselves a little too up-to-date on what's happening politically, it's time to take a step back and regain our perspective.
Is Silence Violence? How Yale Law School Reminded Me of the Virtue of Viewpoint Neutrality- “Viewpoint neutrality isn’t weakness — it’s a principled stand that respects disagreement and protects civil discourse.” Sharing my latest for WSB blog — interested to hear your thoughts!
The World’s Oldest Stories to Help Your Relationships! With Alexandra Hudson- Truth Changes Everything Podcast
I Love to Read: Author Alexandra Hudson to headline Zionsville Community Read event- Wishtv.com- Want to know the secret to doing politics well today? Doing politics LESS. We’ve allowed politics to take up too much of our mental consciousness, and it’s hurting society and ourselves. Join us in Zionsville at The Hussey-Mayfield Memorial Public Library on April 30th at 6:30 PM in the Lora Hussey Room to explore this and many other surprising ways to heal our divides.
Paideia, Humanitas, Civility and Education- I was honored to be invited to write this essay for The Ronald Reagan Center on Civility and Democracy. In a time often marked by division and discord, reflecting on the relationship between civility and education offers both wisdom and hope.
Thanks to Timothy Donahue of Oakland University for this thoughtful Public Books review of The Soul of Civility! He highlights a key argument: civility isn’t mere politeness—it’s essential for real social progress. Read here!
I had a great time joining Josh on the Good Morning Liberty podcast! We discussed historical lessons on civility, focusing on how John Adams and Thomas Jefferson overcame deep political divides to restore their friendship. Their story is a powerful reminder that mutual respect can heal even the deepest rifts. The episode is now live—tune in and let me know your thoughts!
It’s Time for a New Era of Christian Civility- read my latest piece for Christianity Today!
Thanks so much to MSNBC for hosting a segment about The Soul of Civility. Watch here!
A Year Ago on Civic Renaissance:
Thank you for being part of our Civic Renaissance community!
Did the incorrect tiles ultimately get replaced?
There are times for righteous indignation.
Specifically pointing to correct context and circumstances in a civil manner can often reach appropriate outcomes.
I learned about you in an article by Barry Brownstein in the Epoch Times - "The steep price of Declining Civility," which I found most interesting and timely. The racket also exposes the futility of dominance. There are two questions that I would ask - What is the fulfillment that we are seeking? and what are the practical recommended steps for becoming more virtuous?