The Forgotten Laugh

What are the consequences of our collective loss of humor?

Gracious Reader,

At the beginning of my book, The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves, which came out in October 2023, I cracked a joke that didn’t land—at least with some readers.

Near the end of the introduction, I wrote, “While reading this book, if you think of examples that support or add to my argument, please write to me.”

Perilously, I continued, “If you have ideas or examples that contradict my argument, do keep those to yourself.”

The punch line, in case it’s not clear, was the final clause: comical because the author of a book on civility across differences is disinviting dissent!

I deliberated over whether the joke alone was too dry or understated. I considered adding a “🙂” emoji at the end of that fateful sentence—or emphasizing the word “do” for dramatic effect—to ensure people knew it was a joke.

“No,” I thought better of it. “That’s far too loud, grasping.”

I wanted the joke—to be sophisticated and subtle, to be a reward for the discerning reader. As everyone knows, the surest way to kill a joke is to explain it.

“People will get it,” I assured myself. I then forgot about it until publication.

Then I promptly discovered that joke was, apparently, too subtle for some.

In the ten months since my book was published, I have received countless messages from readers about these fateful few lines.

Some have been charitable, imploring me to clarify whether the lines included a typo: “I’m sure this is just an honest mistake?!”

Others wrote to me expressing their indignation and offense: “How could you write a book on civility and tell people who disagree with you not to write to you?!”

The reviews online have been even worse.

“I regrettably suggested Hudson's Soul of Civility for book club,” penned one Amazon reviewer. “Now I want to refund all those who purchased it. To be honest, I could not get past these words in her introduction: ‘While reading this book, if you think of examples that support or add to my argument, please write to me. If you have ideas or examples that contradict my argument, do keep those to yourself.’”

I’ve responded to the people who have written to me that this was neither a typo, nor an insult.

It was a joke.

Though not a very good one, it would seem.

In the wake of Bad-joke-gate, I’ve wondered to what extent I am to blame for making a joke that offended or fell flat with some.

Or is this merely a symptom of our hyper-sensitive and intensely-serious culture that is no longer able to see jokes where they are, to see humor for what it is, or to laugh anymore?

We’ve become rather humorless as a society.

There are consequences to our growing humorlessness in society, where we are quick to condemn and see offense where none was intended, that we may not have fully considered.

The Laughing Audience, William Hogarth, c.1766–1799

First, all human progress, and creative greatness, depends on comedy. To make a joke or a great work of art, we have to first make a bad joke or bad work of art. As I learned first-hand with my poorly positioned joke, however, people are instead increasingly intolerant of failure. We are quick to assume the worst, condemn and cut off, and cancel mistakes and failure—or even to judge an entire book or person based on one mistake. Tolerance for humor requires tolerance for failure — failure to make a bad joke in order to refine it into a better one. As we’ve become a society with less tolerance for failure, we’ve become a society with less laughter, joy— and truth. In recovering an appreciation of humor, we recover an appreciation of the importance of failure to creativity and progress.

Second, free expression is a foundational democratic virtue. Our tolerance for language—and jokes—that we might not want to hear is a proxy for our tolerance for freedom. That my joke offended some readers was an unintended consequence. In our free and democratic society, though, we have the freedom to risk offending others. Some may feel that some things are too sacred or serious to joke about. People across time and place have turned to humor precisely to grapple and cope with times of crisis: pandemics, war, nuclear annihilation, to name just a few. It’s human to laugh at what is sacred to others, but want to silence speech that pokes fun at what is important to us. Comedy—whether it is life-giving or offensive to us—is central to a free society.

Third, humor is a necessary check on power. Aristotle said that the comic was a law unto himself. Across history and culture, humor has been how people in powerlessness keep the powerful accountable. In the absence of political freedom, humorists can still reclaim their power by poking fun at prevailing authorities—which is why, under political dictatorships, humorists are often the first to go. Often, humor is the weapon of choice of persecuted minorities. Humor deflates, defies, and punctures the pretense of tyrants. When we laugh at the powerful, we strike a blow against tyranny and stand in solidarity with the persecuted and powerless across history.

Fourth, it’s time to unbundle people. A person, or their book, is not the sum total of the (bad) joke that they make. As some readers of my book shared, my flat joke was enough to make them put the book down and stop reading. Too often today, we often do the same thing with people: we encounter something we don’t like about them, and see that as sufficient justification to cut them off and walk away. In my book, I explore the idea of “unbundling” people. This is a mental framework that I see as a helpful antidote to our era of strange perfectionism where we expect people to never misstep or to say something offensive. “Unbundling” people challenges us to see the part of someone—the mistake, off-color remark, the bad opinion, the poorly delivered joke—in light of the whole—the irreducible dignity and worth we each have as human beings. As poet Alexander Pope wrote, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” We’re all human, so we’re all going to make mistakes. Our jokes aren’t always going to land. If we want to be shown grace in our errors, it’s in our interest to cultivate the habit of showing grace freely to others first.

Fifth, how do we recover humor, and artistic greatness? All human progress depends on comedy. Humor begins with doubt—questioning the status quo and identifying areas in need of improvement—therefore it is a test of freedom (cannot doubt or criticize unless you are free) and necessary for all human progress. We should be concerned about the loss of humor and creativity in our world. So what’s the solution? Diminishing politics.

One reason we’ve become humorless as a society and as people is that we’re taking ourselves, and the world around us, too seriously. As the stakes of public life seem to become increasingly higher and existential, there seems to be less to laugh. Lord Shaftesbury said this about his own society 300 years ago! Shaftesbury dedicated thousands of words defending to what he called “raillery,” or good-natured ridicule and teasing. But as political issues and public life have become more central to our identity and core sense of meaning, we’ve lost the ability to hold things that are important to us with a light touch, as Shaftsbury recommends we do, to enable us to take a jab, to throw one back, and to laugh at ourselves in stride.

Though a joke I told in my book didn’t quite land with some readers, I had a chance to set the record straight while recording my audiobook after publication. In addition to being able to add vocal dramatic emphasis to show the irony where it was intended, my producers also gave me the freedom to assure listeners that while some early readers had missed the humorous intent, this was, in fact, just a joke.

This freedom during my audiobook recording helped me redeem this unfortunate episode and bring it to a happy ending that marked the launch of my debut book. It reminded me that when things go awry, as in life they often do, we can always laugh about it.

Looking ahead:

• August 28, 2025- Indiana Women's Collaborative, Indiana Chamber of Commerce

• September 9, 2025- Indiana University Bloomington

• September 26- 27, 2025- Civility Summit

• The Polo Club of Boca Raton, November 3, 2025

A Note on Unwanted or Spam Emails

It has recently come to my attention that someone has been impersonating me and contacting members of this community under false pretenses. If you have received any suspicious emails claiming to be from me—or suggesting an affiliation—please forward them to ahudsonassist@gmail.com so that we may take appropriate action.

I want to assure you: I would never compromise your trust by sending spam!

Thank you for your understanding and your support.

Here's a recent example of spam emails pretending to be from me.

In the news:

• My 4-year-old asked for a smartphone. Here's what I did next as a parent.- In my new USA Today piece, I reflect on why my son wanted a phone so badly: 'If adults are perpetually distracted by their phones, the message is clear: Presence with others takes a backseat to screens.'

• The Steep Price of Declining Civility- “Moral habits that promote human flourishing are virtues. Moral habits that divide us — within ourselves and between us and others — are vices.”- Thank you for mentioning my book, The Soul of Civility, in this thoughtful article!

• The Bryan Hyde Show- Every single one of us can be a civilizing influence wherever we happen to be standing. Barry Brownstein reviews Alexandra Hudson's book "The Soul of Civility" and explains our personal duty to be a source of civil behavior. Any time we find ourselves a little too up-to-date on what's happening politically, it's time to take a step back and regain our perspective.

• Is Silence Violence? How Yale Law School Reminded Me of the Virtue of Viewpoint Neutrality- “Viewpoint neutrality isn’t weakness — it’s a principled stand that respects disagreement and protects civil discourse.” Sharing my latest for WSB blog — interested to hear your thoughts!

• Zionsville Mayor’s Youth Council to sponsor author visit

• The World’s Oldest Stories to Help Your Relationships! With Alexandra Hudson- Truth Changes Everything Podcast

• I Love to Read: Author Alexandra Hudson to headline Zionsville Community Read event- Wishtv.com- Want to know the secret to doing politics well today? Doing politics LESS. We’ve allowed politics to take up too much of our mental consciousness, and it’s hurting society and ourselves. Join us in Zionsville at The Hussey-Mayfield Memorial Public Library on April 30th at 6:30 PM in the Lora Hussey Room to explore this and many other surprising ways to heal our divides.

• Paideia, Humanitas, Civility and Education- I was honored to be invited to write this essay for The Ronald Reagan Center on Civility and Democracy. In a time often marked by division and discord, reflecting on the relationship between civility and education offers both wisdom and hope.

• Thanks to Timothy Donahue of Oakland University for this thoughtful Public Books review of The Soul of Civility! He highlights a key argument: civility isn’t mere politeness—it’s essential for real social progress. Read here!

• I had a great time joining Josh on the Good Morning Liberty podcast! We discussed historical lessons on civility, focusing on how John Adams and Thomas Jefferson overcame deep political divides to restore their friendship. Their story is a powerful reminder that mutual respect can heal even the deepest rifts. The episode is now live—tune in and let me know your thoughts!

• It’s Time for a New Era of Christian Civility- read my latest piece for Christianity Today!

• Thanks so much to MSNBC for hosting a segment about The Soul of Civility. Watch here!

A Year Ago on Civic Renaissance:

The forgotten story of William Taulbee and Charles Kincaid

Thank you for being part of our Civic Renaissance community!