The 2 Pillars of Strong Relationships
Guest Post by personal development writer Sahil Bloom On Becoming the Person You Want to Be through relationships with others
Gracious Reader,
In this issue of Civic Renaissance, we explore:
🌟 Very Special Announcement! 🌟
A note from Lexi
Welcome our next guest writer, the wonderful and inspiring Sahil Bloom, who shares a personal story about how his father taught him the two pillars of strong relationships.
Mark your calendar and join us on October 30 for my virtual talk at Whitworth University! Find out more here
A year ago in Civic Renaissance
Civic Renaissance Retreat: Would You Join Us?
Review The Soul of Civility?
A note from Lexi
Sahil is a new friend. When our mutual friend, Susan Cain, introduced us due to our shared interests, we hit it off right away, especially regarding our thoughts on education and how we plan to approach it for our young children.
Like me, Sahil often feels dissatisfied with the educational options available for young children. When it comes to what I desire for my children’s learning, I value flexibility, freedom, joy, play, curiosity, wonder, and ample time in nature—and it’s challenging to find educational institutions that prioritize these values as highly as I do.
Both Sahil and I are now considering starting our own respective micro-educational ventures for our kids!
All in all, we are united in our passion for curiosity and learning. I enjoyed his thoughtful piece below and thought you might, too.
P.S. There’s still time to enter both The Soul of Civility and Spencer Klavan’s new book giveaway!
Light of the Mind, of the World: Illuminating Science Through Fait Giveaway
The 2 Pillars of Strong Relationships
By Sahil Bloom
Sahil Bloom is the author of the upcoming book – The 5 Types of Wealth – which explores the idea of wealth beyond money and provides the questions and blueprints for you to design a life around your priorities and values. Sahil captivates millions of people every week through his insights and bi-weekly newsletter, “The Curiosity Chronicle.” He is a successful entrepreneur, owner of SRB Holdings, and the managing partner of SRB Ventures, an early-stage investment fund. Sahil graduated from Stanford University with an MA in public policy and a BA in economics and sociology. He was a four-year member on the Stanford Baseball Team.
Preorder The 5 Types of Wealth and submit your order number on the website to access exclusive rewards!
This one photo says everything you need to know about strong relationships.
Allow me to explain:
This photo, which was captured organically by one of my business partners, is a portrait of my father, taking notes during one of my recent speaking engagements in India.
My father is 68 years old and a tenured professor at Harvard University. He has accomplished a tremendous amount in his career—but I am certain he is most proud of who he is as a father, husband, and friend.
Throughout my entire life, he has shown up for me:
From cheering at my baseball games, to surprising me at the finish line of my first marathon, and now to sitting and listening diligently as I deliver talks. He is there as a supporter—my biggest fan—and a trusted partner, someone who I can count on to shoot me straight with thoughtful critiques and feedback.
Reflecting on this photo upon seeing it, I came to understand that it holds a deep and powerful truth about the two pillars of strong relationships.
Expectations & Support
My father always had high standards for me. He believed that excellence should be the expectation—that it was achievable through diligence, attitude, and effort.
I recall having the opportunity to travel with him on a business trip to Southeast Asia when I was about eight. He was to be the keynote speaker at a conference in the region, and with my mother staying home with my sister, I was the lucky +1 for the trip.
As I enjoyed movies and food on the long flight overseas, he worked. In fact, I specifically recall him working for the entire 12+ hour journey.
When I asked, somewhat incredulously, why he hadn't watched a single movie, he had a simple response:
"This is what is necessary to perform up to my expectations for myself."
Those expectations were high, but he knew that he could meet them.
When it came to our relationship, he had those same high expectations for me, but importantly, they were always paired with a second necessary ingredient: support.
The two pillars of strong relationships:
High Expectations: The belief that the other person is capable of excellence, that their potential is only limited by their own views. The willingness to share the truth on those high expectations and the gap vs. the current level of delivery.
High Support: The ability and willingness to provide the love, support, and engagement to help the person meet those high expectations.
High Expectations without High Support is a recipe for disaster. We have all faced a relationship like this, where the person seems to want more from us but does not seem willing to share in the burden of reaching that more.
High Support without High Expectations is a recipe for mediocrity. It allows self-limiting beliefs to perpetuate, it says that you're fine where you are today, that growth is unnecessary.
It is the pairing of the two—High Expectations and High Support—where strong relationships are found.
Legendary American football coach Nick Saban once shared the idea of the Capability Gap:
"The Capability Gap is what you're capable of relative to what you're doing...if you understand the truth about that, you can actually take information that can help you close that gap."
A strong relationship is built upon the foundation of high expectations (pushing your belief in what you're capable of) and high support (supporting you with the information to close the gap to those high expectations).
Sir Isaac Newton once said, "If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants."
My father always encouraged me to think bigger, and then offered up his shoulders so that I could see and reach those bigger things.
This, to me, is the highest calling in our relationships:
To create an environment of high expectations—of boundless potential—with those we love AND lend them our shoulders to stand and reach those expectations we have set.
The Full Circle Moment
At the end of one of my talks, my father was asked by the moderator how he feels seeing his son on stage:
“I’m proud that he is becoming the man he wants to be.”
That line hit me hard.
Not “the man I want him to be” but “the man that HE wants to be”—a subtle but beautiful difference.
It comes full circle, because he is the father I want to be—and the man I want to be.
Here’s to all the people out there who are lifting up their parents, partners, children, and friends with high expectations and high support, with love, encouragement, honesty, and unrelenting positivity.
I salute you—and I admire you.
And to my Dad—I love you!
Connect with Sahil and find out more about his work:
🌟 Very Special Announcement! 🌟
He’s here! Our newest joy, our son, Sebastian John Pascal Hudson, made his grand entrance into the world at 5:03 a.m. on Wednesday, September 18, after a quick (but intense!) three-hour-and-forty-five-minute labor. He’s a healthy 20.5 inches long and weighed in at 8 lbs 14 oz.
We’ve cherished these quiet few weeks with our family.
His big brother, Percival James, and big sister, Sophia Margaux, are absolutely over the moon for our Sebastian—our Baby Bash. 🤍
Looking ahead:
October 30- Whithworth University, virtual talk, find out more here!
November 12- Greater Muncie Chamber of Commerce, Muncie, IN
November 14- Berry College, Mt. Berry, GA
November 19- Hillsdale College, Hillsdale, MI
January 23, 2025- I am thrilled to announce that I will be speaking at Yale Law School this coming January, invited by the Crossing Divides Program, part of the Tsai Leadership Program, which is dedicated to building strong bridges across our differences.
In the news:
Bridging the Divide: Civility Expert Offers Tips on How to Flourish Across Differences by Lesley Kennedy
So thankful to hear how my book, The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves, continues to empower local leaders to cultivate civility in their communities. Discover how the small Colorado ski town of Estes Park is prioritizing civility this fall.
Why Freedom Needs Manners- Thank you, Greg Collins, for this eminently thoughtful review of my book!
TIME Magazine— What Emily Post and Daniel of Beccles Can Teach Us About Civility Today
Civility is our eternal project- review of the soul of civility by the George W. Bush Center
Thanks so much to ABC Channel6, WRTV and ABC for the conversation about how civility and basic respect for personhood are the antidotes to our crisis of division — recorded from my front porch! Click here to watch!
Thank you for being part of our Civic Renaissance community!
A Year Ago on Civic Renaissance:
Highlights From The Soul of Civility Launch Week
I am just catching up on your writing, Alexandra, and I congratulate you and your family on "baby Bash"! I hope all's well at home while you soak up the newborn time.
A lovely tribute by your guest writer to his father, as well.
I know of a family that gave full support to their daughters to have high standards and made parts of their home into adance studio and gave full support to the girls for developing their skills that were outside of school requirements, very impressive! One of the daughters sang the national anthem at local games in Boston!Borth are interested in drama and theatre!