“We must love them both, those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject, for both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in finding it.”
—St. Thomas Aquinas
Gracious reader,
Civility is often dismissed as soft. It gets equated with niceness, manners, etiquette — the thin veneer of politeness that papers over difference but never touches the heart of it. In a culture obsessed with outrage, where shouting is currency and contempt is power, “civility” has come to sound like weakness.
But real civility — the kind I wrote about in The Soul of Civility — is anything but weak. It is one of the most rebellious acts left to us in a divided age.
Because despair is easy. Cynicism is fashionable. Division is effortless. But choosing to respect someone you disagree with? That requires courage. Choosing to see humanity in someone who opposes you? That is resistance. Choosing to remain hopeful in a culture of contempt? That is rebellion.
This is the paradox: civility is not niceness, but moral courage. It’s not appeasement, but a deliberate act of defiance against the toxic status quo. It’s saying: I will not reduce you to an enemy. I will not dehumanize. I will not despair. I will build anyway.
That’s why I see civility not as sentimental nostalgia, but as the foundation of any flourishing society. Without it, democracy collapses into mob rule or apathy. With it, we have the possibility of pluralism — of living freely together across deep difference.
This week at the Civility Summit in Carmel, Indiana, that rebellion is taking tangible form. Leaders from across the country are gathering not to erase disagreement, but to explore how we can flourish in the midst of it. We’ll sit down together, face-to-face, not because it’s easy, but because it’s the only way forward.
The choice before us is stark: despair or defiance. Froth or substance. Contempt or civility. And I believe more people are quietly choosing rebellion — the rebellion of hope.
Civility, rightly understood, is not weakness. It is rebellion. To choose respect over contempt, to choose to see humanity instead of an enemy, is one of the most countercultural acts available to us today.
Thomas Aquinas’ insight that we must choose to cultivate love and respect for both those with whom we agree and disagree alike goes to the heart of what civility demands. It is not agreement, but gratitude — even for those we oppose, because they sharpen us, they test us, they draw us closer to truth.
In our age, where disagreement so easily collapses into disdain, Aquinas’ wisdom is revolutionary. Civility is not about erasing difference. It is about honoring the humanity of those who differ, and seeing even opponents as collaborators in the great and difficult project of seeking truth together.
See you in Carmel starting tonight, where we will build together this rebellion against division.
In the news:
Indiana to Host Inaugural National Civility Summit in Carmel:
‘‘On Saturday, Sept. 27, author and civic thinker Alexandra Hudson will deliver the keynote address at the Carmel Clay Public Library. Her book, The Soul of Civility, has helped spark a national conversation on bridging divides and directly influenced Worrell to create Project Civility.’’
Local Leader Tackles Incivility in Political Discourse:
“I happened to run across a book by Alexandra Hudson called The Soul of Civility,” Worrell said. “What really struck me was the subtitle, ‘Timeless Principles to Heal Ourselves and Society.’” An author event with Hudson at the Carmel library, which Worrell anticipated would draw a small crowd, instead attracted 320 people. “That just showed me that there was a desire and a hunger to talk more about civility in our community,” he said.’’
Project Civility Summit to emphasize peaceful discourse:
‘‘Worrell was inspired to start Project Civility in 2024 when he read the book “The Soul of Civility” by Alexandra Hudson. She will be a leading figure in the events at the Project Civility Summit.
The Summit begins at 6 p.m. Sept. 26 with a welcome reception and fireside chat by former Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels at the Carmel Fire Department Headquarters & Carmel Fire Buffs Museum at 210 Veterans Way. Daniels will appear with Hudson, and the Project Civility National Award will be presented.’’
Year Ago on Civic Renaissance:
How to start a civil renaissance according to Carmel, Indiana—Inspired by The Soul of Civility!- A guest post by Carmel City Council President Jeff Worrell about how “The Soul of Civility” can empower local leaders to create cultures of civility in their community.
Thank you for being part of our Civic Renaissance community!
