Civility is surprisingly timeless

My article in TIME Magazine shares what Daniel of Beccles, the Emily Post of the Middle Ages, can teach us today

Gracious reader,

I am writing to share with you my article that TIME Magazine, out this morning. TIME invited me to write about what the timeless principles of civility—from Daniel of Beccles, the “Emily Post of the Middle Ages,” to Emily Post herself!—teach us about our crisis of incivility today.

Daniel of Beccles is a forgotten hero of civility. I champion him in my book, The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves.

(Amazon has the audiobook—read by yours truly!—on sale for just $9 right now!)

Read the full article below.

Here are some excerpts from of the essay you might enjoy:

In the wake of the assassination attempt of former President Donald Trump, we’re reminded that we are living in what many people call “uncivil times.” Growing extremism, hyper-partisanship, and political violence around the world—not to mention the daily, low-grade discourteousness we encounter in our daily live—all point out the vexing nature of living life with people who sometimes have vastly differing opinions.

Civility, the art of human flourishing, is the basic respect and consideration that we are owed, and owe to other members of the human community. It is the habitual self-sacrifice necessary to peaceably co-exist with others across difference. It’s the process of overcoming the self-love endemic to our nature so that the social aspects of who we are can flourish. It enables us to not merely survive as a species, but thrive.

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Post’s 1922 book Etiquette, now in its 19th edition, has been a stalwart manners authority on the American scene for a century. Though Beccles was the Emily Post of the 12th century Europe—his Liber Urbani, or Book of the Civilized Man, was the defining etiquette book of the day, and remains among the most substantial courtesy poems in any language—he has been largely forgotten by modern readers. Their respective etiquette tomes—Post’s over 900 pages and Beccles nearly 3,000 lines of Latin verse—left no aspect of social life untouched. Both set out for their works to be the definitive guide of their day to navigating life together with others across difference. Post referred to her 1922 Etiquette as the “indubitable authority on manners” that was “without precedent in American literature.”

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Beccles’s overall emphasis that self-control is essential to pax in urbe, to live at peace with one’s neighbors and fellow citizens, is especially a message needed for our fractious days. As historian Anna Bryson observes in “Courtesy to Civility,” few authors besides Beccles have made a clearer connection ‘between good manners and other virtues perceived to promote social harmony and peace in the community.” Beccles encouraged people to love those close to us well in good times and bad: “Cherish beloved family members in peaceful and in turbulent times, and cherish dear companions equally.” He encouraged order and unity among neighbors, avoiding strife and violence: “Be a compassionate person, forbearing and good to your neighbours, not a spark fostering anger, lit with fury.”

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Today, it’s easy to look around us and feel like we live in what must be among the most uncivil eras in history. At the national level, our public leaders fail to model common decency for those with whom they disagree. At the individual level, friendships and family relationships have been increasingly—and tragically—severed over differences of opinion. It’s no question that we struggle with civility now, but the truth is, we always have. Post and Beccles guided their own eras in navigating differences, perhaps the lessons they posited can help us now. And when in doubt, remember this timeless wisdom from Beccles’ Liber Urbani, appropriate for our own era of rampant public blaming and shaming: “Don’t ridicule your fellow if he makes a mistake; if you know the right way, correct him politely.”

Please feel welcome to share this piece, this post, and your thoughts in the comments below!

I’m about to go into the forest for a digital detox for a few days, but I look forward to reading your thoughts and comments when I return to the grid!

Thank you for being part of the Civic Renaissance Community!